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The first bar chart demonstrates number of graduate student in UK who contributed in any of four categories including Part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment after they abandonned college in 2008, where the second chart gives the same information for post graduate students.

The first bar chart demonstrates number of graduate student in UK who contributed in any of four categories including Part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment after they abandonned college in 2008, where the second chart gives the same information for post graduate students. Overall, chosing to continue academic studies had been the first priority among both graduates and post graduates in UK by forming around 50 and 30 percent of the total respectively. On the other hand, participating in voluntary works had the least demand between graduates as well as post graduates. First, is it clear to see that chosing to countinue academic education, which by 29665 students form around 50 percent of the total students, had been the most selected destination among graduate students as they left college. 17735 and 16235 college alumnies had chosen participating in part-time work and chosing no job after leaving college respectively. However, merely 3500 graduate student contributed in voluntary works after they abandonned university. On the other hand, difference between going further in study and leaving the college in order to occupy part-time jobs is not easy to distinguish among postgraduate students in UK. 2725 students chose to move on in thier academic path and study and 2535 students went on part-time jobs. Unemployment was the third priority among post graduate student who left the college back in 2008. Similarly, voluntary works had been the least interesting destination as well as it had least demand between graduate students group.
The
first
bar chart demonstrates number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in UK who contributed in any of four categories including Part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and unemployment after they
Possible spelling mistake found.
abandonned
college in 2008, where the second chart gives the same information for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
post
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
students.

Overall
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
chosing
to continue academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
had been the
first
priority among both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
post
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
in UK by forming around 50 and 30 percent of the total
respectively
.
On the other hand
, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
works had the least demand between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
post
graduates.

First
, is it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
chosing
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
countinue
academic education, which by 29665
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
form around 50 percent of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, had been the most selected destination among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
college. 17735 and 16235 college
Possible spelling mistake found.
alumnies
had chosen
If ‘chosen’ is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: “to participate”.
participating
in part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
chosing
no job after leaving college
respectively
.
However
,
merely
3500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
contributed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
works after they
Possible spelling mistake found.
abandonned
university.

On the other hand
, difference between going
further
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and leaving the college in order to occupy part-time jobs is not easy to distinguish among postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in UK. 2725
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
chose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on in
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
academic path and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and 2535
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
went on part-time jobs. Unemployment was the third priority among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
post
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the college back in 2008.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
works had been the least interesting destination
as well
as it had
A determiner is probably missing here: “the least”.
least
demand between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
group.
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IELTS academic The first bar chart demonstrates number of graduate student in UK who contributed in any of four categories including Part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment after they abandonned college in 2008, where the second chart gives the same information for post graduate students.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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