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The diagram shows the school population by age in US schools from 1989-2004

The diagram shows the school population by age in US schools from 1989-2004 VyA8m
The bar chart compares the number of students enrolled schools in over the U. S, in two age groups with the total students between 1989 and 2004. Overall, it is clear that school population fluctuated in the total students and students of the aged 5-13, while students of the aged 14-17 increased consistently over the period. In the 1989-1999 period, the number of total students in U. S schools increased significantly from 45 to 54 millions student, then it fallen slightly to 51 millions student in 2004. Likewise, the figure of students from 5 to 13 years old increased steadily from 31 millions to 37 millions student by the year 1999. However, it decreased dramatically to 14 millions student in 2004. In contrast, the number of students from 14 to 17 years old in U. S schools increased throughout the remainder of the period. It gradual increased from 14 million student in 1989 to 16 million in 1999, and rose remarkably to 36 millions student in 2004.
The bar chart compares the number of
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students
enrolled
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schools
in over the U. S, in two age groups with the total
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students
between 1989 and 2004.

Overall
, it is
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clear
that
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school
population fluctuated in the total
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students
and
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students
of the aged 5-13, while
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students
of the aged 14-17
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increased
consistently
over the period.

In the 1989-1999 period, the number of total
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students
in U. S
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schools
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increased
significantly
from 45 to 54
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millions
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student
, then it
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "fell"?
fallen
slightly
to 51
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millions
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student
in 2004.
Likewise
, the figure of
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students
from 5 to 13 years
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old
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increased
steadily
from 31
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millions
to 37
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millions
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student
by the year 1999.
However
, it decreased
dramatically
to 14
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millions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in 2004.

In contrast
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from 14 to 17 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in U. S
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
throughout the remainder of the period.
Possible mistake. Please verify.
It gradual
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increased
from 14
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million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'student' seems to be countable, so consider using: "students".
student
in 1989 to 16
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million
in 1999, and rose
remarkably
to 36
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in 2004.
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IELTS academic The diagram shows the school population by age in US schools from 1989-2004

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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