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The diagram shows the production of a sugar by German company for supermarkets and restaurants

The diagram shows the production of a sugar by German company for supermarkets and restaurants QL5yK
The given pictorial graph explicates the several steps of production of sugar by a German organisation for supermarkets and restaurants. Overall, process of making sugar begins with harvesting of sugarcane in tropical regions and ends with delivery of sugar to the supermarkets and restaurants. To begin with, first of all, sugarcane is harvested in tropical regions, then juice is collected by crushing sugarcane in crusher. In the third step, raw sugar is collected by occurring partial filtration. After that obtained raw sugar is delivered to Germany by aeroplane. In the next stage, raw sugar is completely purified through melting and filtering. Furthermore, from the sugar syrup, crystallisation occurs then obtained crystals are dried by the fans. In the penultimate step, sugar crystals is packed in bags and in the final step packed bags of sugar crystals are delivered by lorry to the supermarkets and restaurants.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pictorial graph explicates the several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
of production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
by a German
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
for supermarkets and restaurants.
Overall
, process of making
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sugar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with harvesting of sugarcane in tropical regions and ends with delivery of
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sugar
to the supermarkets and restaurants. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, sugarcane
is harvested
in tropical regions, then juice
is collected
by crushing sugarcane in crusher. In the third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
, raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is collected
by occurring partial filtration.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that obtained raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is delivered
to Germany by
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
. In the
next
stage, raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is completely purified through melting and filtering.
Furthermore
, from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
syrup,
Possible spelling mistake. 'crystallisation' is British English.
crystallisation
occurs then obtained crystals
are dried
by the fans. In the penultimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
crystals
is packed
in bags and in the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
packed bags of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
crystals
are delivered
by lorry to the supermarkets and restaurants.

IELTS academic The diagram shows the production of a sugar by German company for supermarkets and restaurants

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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