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the diagram shows how fish canning is done

the diagram shows how fish canning is done 6dVp3
The picture illustrates the production of canning of fish. There are 15 main step in the process of making canned fish, beginning with catching fish and ending with sending the product. In the beginning, fishes will be caught by fisherman and frozen at minus 18 degree Celsius. As the fishing vessel reaches the harbor, fishes are unloaded and weighed. After that, fishes are thawed before workers cut off the head and tail of the fish. The body of the fish will be leaved and steamed cooking for next steps. Then fishes are cooked and fish body will be filleted into small pieces. Once the pieces of fish are filled into the can, in which brine, water or oil added. The next step, the can will be sealed and sterilized on high temperature. After that, the can are cooled a second time before being labeled according to the type of fish which is canned. Finally, finished products are moved to the storage and despatched to supermart.
The picture illustrates the production of canning of fish.

There are 15 main
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "steps"?
step
in the process of making canned fish, beginning with catching fish and ending with sending the product.

In the beginning, fishes will
be caught
by fisherman and frozen at minus 18 degree Celsius. As the fishing vessel reaches the harbor, fishes
are unloaded
and weighed. After that, fishes
are thawed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off the head and tail of the fish. The body of the fish will
be leaved
and steamed cooking for
next
steps. Then fishes
are cooked
and fish body will
be filleted
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
pieces.

Once the pieces of fish
are filled
into the can, in which brine, water or oil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
. The
next
step, the can will
be sealed
and sterilized on high temperature. After that, the can
are cooled
a second time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being labeled
according to the type of fish which
is canned
.
Finally
, finished products are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the storage and despatched to
Possible spelling mistake found.
supermart
.
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IELTS academic the diagram shows how fish canning is done

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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