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The diagram shows British emigrations to selected destinations between the years 2004 and 2007

The diagram shows British emigrations to selected destinations between the years 2004 and 2007 peLV2
The diagram shows British emigrations to selected destinations between the years 2004 and 2007. Overall the destinations are 5 (Australia, Spain, New Zealand, USA and France) while the years of emigration are coloured in 4 different colours to make the comparison possible in the chart (2004 in red, 2005 in dark blue, 2006 in light blue and 2007 in yellow). Australia was the destination which British emigrants prefered the most, having an average of 40 thousands immigrants in the years 2004, 2005, 2007 and reaching more than 50 thousands British emigrants in the year 2006. The second and third place in the diagram are occupied by Spain and France; in the years 2004, 2006 and 2007, Spain could count more British emigrations than France, while, in the year 2005 the immigrants were respectively the same in both countries, going over the 30 thousands. In the last 2 positions there are New Zealand and Usa, that had almost the same numbers of British emigrants during the 4 years in which the information were collected, with little variations in 2005, where New Zealand had more British emigration than USA, and in 2006, where, in contrast, USA had more immigrants than New Zealand.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
British emigrations to selected destinations between the years 2004 and 2007.
Overall
the destinations are 5 (Australia, Spain,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand, USA and France) while the years of emigration are
Possible spelling mistake. 'coloured' is British English.
coloured
in 4
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the comparison possible in the chart (2004 in red, 2005 in dark blue, 2006 in light blue and 2007 in yellow).

Australia was the destination which British emigrants
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
the most, having an average of 40 thousands immigrants in the years 2004, 2005, 2007 and reaching more than 50 thousands British emigrants in the
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year
2006. The second and third place in the diagram
are occupied
by Spain and France; in the years 2004, 2006 and 2007, Spain could count more British emigrations than France, while, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2005 the immigrants were
respectively
the same in both countries, going over the 30 thousands. In the last 2 positions there are
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New
Zealand and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Usa
, that had almost the same numbers of British emigrants during the 4 years in which the information
were collected
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
variations in 2005, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand had more British emigration
A determiner is probably missing here: "than the USA".
than USA
, and in 2006, where,
in contrast
, USA had more immigrants than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand.
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IELTS academic The diagram shows British emigrations to selected destinations between the years 2004 and 2007

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
200 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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