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The diagram gives information about the process of making carbonated drinks.

Making a carbonated drinks is a long process which consist of 5 stages. The first stage is what we called the water cleaning. Here, raw water will be filtered and eventually pass through a water softener to remove toxic chemicals in it. Thereafter, the filtered component will be pumped and will go the the electric heaters and cooling pipe. This process will produced a carbon dioxide that will result to a carbonated water. This stage is called the Heating evaporation and carbonation stage which is the Stage 2. Couloring, syrup and flavor will be properly mix together with the carbonated water inside the mixing tank. The whole process completes the stage 3. Stage 4 will be the filtering and filling whether it is filled up in bottles or cans. Thereafter, end products are properly packed in a nice and carton or boxes which are ready for delivery. Products are being packed and delivered accordingly to the supermarkets which completes Stage 5. Hence, making carbonated drinks is a long process where the materials passed through a sequential procedures to produce a good quality drinks for the benefits of all consumers.
Making a
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carbonated
drinks is a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
which consist of 5 stages.

The
first
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stage
is what we called the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
cleaning. Here, raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
will
be filtered
and
eventually
pass through a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
softener to remove toxic chemicals in it. Thereafter, the filtered component will
be pumped
and will go
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only “the” or “the” is left.
the the
electric heaters and cooling pipe. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
will
The modal verb ‘will’ requires the verb’s base form.
produced
a carbon dioxide that will result to a
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carbonated
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water
. This
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stage
is called
the Heating evaporation and carbonation
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stage
which is the
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Stage
2.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Couloring
, syrup and flavor will be
properly
mix together with the
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carbonated
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water
inside the mixing tank. The whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
completes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
3.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Stage
4 will be the filtering and filling whether it
is filled
up in bottles or cans. Thereafter,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
products are
properly
packed in a nice and carton or boxes which are ready for delivery. Products are
being packed
and delivered
accordingly
to the supermarkets which completes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Stage
5.

Hence
, making
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carbonated
drinks is a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
where the materials passed through
The plural noun “procedures” cannot be used with the article “a”. Did you mean “a sequential procedure” or “sequential procedures”?
a sequential procedures
to produce a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality drinks for the benefits of all consumers.
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IELTS academic The diagram gives information about the process of making carbonated drinks.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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