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The diagram gives information about the disadvantage of walking for the environment when tourists visit to the countryside

The diagram gives information about the disadvantage of walking for the environment when tourists visit to the countryside peo5d
The rendered flow chart illustrates land has been affected by tramping due to the commuters' walking process in the rural area. According to data, because the tourists walk in certain areas, the process of trampling occur, and it gives two side effects. Firstly, the vegetation got damaged and the plants became weaker as well as plants fail to reproduce and grow. Due to that reason, that particular area starts to reduce vegetation. The second effect, due to grass crush by visitors shoes, the surface of soil compacted and become hard. Therefore, the proportion of air and water quality starts to go down, as a result, soil erosion went up and water runs out the upper surface of soil. Consequently, both reasons lead to land erosion and soil starts to decrease its fertility. Overall, it can be clearly seen that due to tourists walking over the countryside, land faced a significant drawback.
The rendered flow chart illustrates land has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by tramping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the commuters' walking process in the rural area. According to data,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the tourists walk in certain areas, the process of trampling occur, and it gives two side effects.
Firstly
, the vegetation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
damaged and the plants became weaker
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well as plants fail to reproduce and grow.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to that reason, that particular area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
vegetation. The second effect,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to grass crush by visitors shoes, the surface of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soil
compacted and become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
Therefore
, the proportion of air and water quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to go down,
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soil
erosion went up and water runs out the upper surface of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soil
.
Consequently
, both reasons lead to land erosion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to decrease its fertility.
Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to tourists walking over the countryside, land faced a significant drawback.
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IELTS academic The diagram gives information about the disadvantage of walking for the environment when tourists visit to the countryside

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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