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The diagram below shows the number of landline ownership telephones per 1000 people in different countries over a five-year period. v. 3

The diagram below shows the number of landline ownership telephones per 1000 people in different countries over a five-year period. v. 3 YY7N
Depicted the chart is the information about how a number of people (per 1000) owned landline telephone in nine various countries over a half decade, since 2000. Overall, it can be seen that the general trend was for the ownership of landline telephone in all countries relatively to decrease during the period. Meanwhile, the figure in Singapore was the highest throughout the time scale. In 2000, there were the two highest figures for landline telephone owners in Singapore and Brunei, standing at merely over 450 –the maximum recorded- and merely under 250 severally. This was followed by Philippines and Thailand, which had a similar level, with merely under 100. Meanwhile, the number of people owning landline telephone in Indonesia, Vietnam, Cambodia, Lao PDR, and Myanmar was under 50. After 2000, the level of people having landline telephone in Singapore, Philippines, Myanmar, and Lao PDR experienced a slight decrease, dropping to around 450, 50, and 0 consecutively at the end of period. Only after the figure in Brunei increased to 250 (2002), the level then to drop to around 230 (2004), while Thailand and Indonesia experienced an enormous fall to 0 by 2004. By contrast, there was a gradual decline in Cambodia and Vietnam, rising to 50 and merely above 50 each.
Depicted the chart is the information about how a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
(per 1000)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
landline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
in nine various countries over a half decade, since 2000.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the general trend was for the ownership of landline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
in all countries
relatively
to decrease during the period. Meanwhile, the figure in Singapore was the highest throughout the time scale.

In 2000, there were the two highest figures for landline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
owners in Singapore and Brunei, standing at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merely
over 450 –the maximum recorded- and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merely
under 250
severally
. This
was followed
A determiner is probably missing here: "by the Philippines".
by Philippines
and Thailand, which had a similar level, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merely
under 100. Meanwhile, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
owning landline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
in Indonesia, Vietnam, Cambodia, Lao
Possible spelling mistake found.
PDR
, and Myanmar was under 50.

After 2000, the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having landline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
in Singapore, Philippines, Myanmar, and Lao
Possible spelling mistake found.
PDR
experienced a slight decrease, dropping to around 450, 50, and 0
consecutively
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of period.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
after the figure in Brunei increased to 250 (2002), the level then to drop to around 230 (2004), while Thailand and Indonesia experienced an enormous fall to 0 by 2004. By contrast, there was a gradual decline in Cambodia and Vietnam, rising to 50 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merely
above 50 each.

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the number of landline ownership telephones per 1000 people in different countries over a five-year period. v. 3

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
211 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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