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The diagram below shows the fire plan for the second floor of a student dorm building in a university.

The diagram below shows the fire plan for the second floor of a student dorm building in a university. 9wWYn
The given map depicts the evacuation plan in case of fire at the second floor of student dormitory in a university. First of all, in case of such an accidental condition, pupils from bedroom 3 can directly use stairs, heading right against the door and gather on the meeting spot 1 beside the stairs. In similar way, students from bedroom 1 and 2 can use the same stairs, heading towards the lobby to reach bedroom 3 and after descending down they can also gather on meeting site 1. On the other side, students from bedroom 4 to 7 can use stairs between lift and bedroom 7 and gather on meeting spot 2. Moreover, other students from the lobby between room 5 and 7 along with students from lift can also evacuate form building by using stairs beside the lift and stay at meeting point 2. Overall, it is evident that although there is lift facility available in case of fire, using stairs is most preferable option for reaching the spot without any burn or injury.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
map depicts the evacuation plan in case of fire at the second floor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
dormitory in a university.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in case of such an accidental condition, pupils from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bedroom
3 can
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
stairs, heading right against the door and gather on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
spot 1 beside the stairs. In similar way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bedroom
1 and 2 can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the same stairs, heading towards the lobby to reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bedroom
3 and after
This phrase might be redundant. Consider using "descending".
descending down
they can
also
gather on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
site 1.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bedroom
4 to 7 can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
stairs between lift and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bedroom
7 and gather on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
spot 2.
Moreover
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from the lobby between room 5 and 7 along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from lift can
also
evacuate form building by using stairs beside the lift and stay at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
point 2.

Overall
, it is evident that although there is lift facility available in case of fire, using stairs is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
preferable option for reaching the spot without any burn or injury.
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IELTS academic The diagram below shows the fire plan for the second floor of a student dorm building in a university.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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