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the diagram below shows information about member attendance at various clubs in a metro city.

the diagram below shows information about member attendance at various clubs in a metro city. DlKQa
The given bar graph depicts the information about the number of visitors who visited the four different clubs in an urban city. Overall, it is apparent that entry to all clubs remained almost steady with an exception of the American club. which saw a handsome rise in visits in the last two months. it is clearly seen from the graph that the number of visits to the French club almost been the same in the first six months, around 60000. however, in July 8000 more visitors visited. Next, regularity seen in visitors visited in the British club that's almost 60000Furthermore, 39000 tourists viewed the Japanese club in January and that rose to almost 49000 at the end of April, but after that, visits reached too 43000 July. Finally, The highest number of tourists visited the American club in all first seven months and 99000 was the peak in June. In the remaining months, visits remain almost the same that is 80000.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph depicts the information about the number of visitors who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
the four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
in an urban city.
Overall
, it is apparent that entry to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
remained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
steady with an
The usual collocation for "exception" in this context is "to" not "of". Did you mean "exception to"?
exception of
the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a handsome rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
in the last two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
to the French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
been the same in the
first
six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
, around 60000.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, in July 8000 more visitors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
.
Next
, regularity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in visitors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
in the British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
that's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
60000Furthermore, 39000 tourists viewed the Japanese
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club
in January and that rose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
49000 at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of April,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
reached
Did you mean "to 43000"?
too 43000
July.
Finally
, The highest number of tourists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
in all
first
seven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
and 99000 was the peak in June. In the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
remain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
the same
that is
80000.
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IELTS academic the diagram below shows information about member attendance at various clubs in a metro city.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
161 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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