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The diagram below shows a process for turning dirty water into clean water

The diagram below shows a process for turning dirty water into clean water L9Q2n
The diagram shows a system that turns dirty water into clean water and is used for different purposes. Accordingly, the diagram uses a large plastic barrel, with three more layers of different filter materials. The first layer is sand, followed by charcoal, and finally gravel. There is a pipe that carries clean water from the filter tank to the storage drum. The water purification process begins by adding dirty water to the tank, then the water begins to filter through the sand to remove large particles of sediment in the water, then the water turns to the layer of charcoal to remove harmful substances water, eventually passing through the gravel layer to filter the remaining small particles. The water after being filtered is led through the domestic water storage drum by a pipe, and there is a faucet attached to the bottom of the tank, through which clean water can be led out for drinking. In general, the process of treating dirty water depends on the raw materials used. The water filter consists of several steps, starting with dirty water, passing through three layers of filter material, and ending with clean water, which can be used for different purposes.
The diagram
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shows
a system that turns
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dirty
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water
into
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clean
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water
and is
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used
for
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different
purposes.

Accordingly
, the diagram
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uses
a large plastic barrel, with three more
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layers
of
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different
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filter
materials. The
first
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layer
is sand, followed by charcoal, and
finally
gravel. There is a pipe that carries
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clean
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water
from the
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filter
tank to the storage drum.

The
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water
purification process
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begins
by adding
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dirty
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water
to the tank, then the
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water
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begins
to
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filter
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through
the sand to remove large particles of sediment in the
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water
, then the
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water
turns to the
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layer
of charcoal to remove harmful substances
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water
,
eventually
passing
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through
the gravel
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layer
to
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filter
the remaining
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small
particles. The
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water
after
being filtered
is led
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through
the domestic
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water
storage drum by a pipe, and there is a faucet attached to the bottom of the tank,
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through
which
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clean
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water
can
be led
out for drinking.

In general
, the process of treating
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dirty
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water
depends on the raw materials
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used
. The
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water
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filter
consists of several steps, starting with
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dirty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, passing
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through
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
layers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
filter
material, and ending with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes.
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IELTS academic The diagram below shows a process for turning dirty water into clean water

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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