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The diagram below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purpose.

The diagram below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purpose. 6BpG
The diagram illustrates various steps, tools, materials and minerals used in the manufacturing of cement and preparing concrete with use of cement. Overall, Limestone and Clay are used in the preparation of cement. Cement in mixing with water sand and gravel gives concrete. Limestone and Clay are crushed into fine particles. The resultant powder is heated in a rotating heater. Later, it is grinded to from cement which is collected in bags for storage and transport. Cement in combination of water, sand and gravel in certain proportion gives concrete.
The diagram illustrates various steps, tools, materials and minerals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the manufacturing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
and preparing concrete with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cement.

Overall
, Limestone and Clay are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the preparation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cement
in mixing with water sand and gravel gives concrete.

Limestone and Clay
are crushed
into fine particles. The resultant powder
is heated
in a rotating heater. Later, it is
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "ground", the past tense form of the verb 'grind'?
grinded
to from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
which
is collected
in bags for storage and transport.

Cement in combination of water, sand and gravel in certain proportion gives concrete.
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IELTS academic The diagram below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purpose.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
89 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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