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The chat below given the information about the UK countries aged population in 1985 and also predicts and four 2035

The chat below given the information about the UK countries aged population in 1985 and also predicts and four 2035 ebWL7
The given column graph illustrates that, the total ageing population in different five countries in 1985 and also give predictions for 2035. According to Grafton, there were the highest above 65 population sown in walls were approx 16 percentage in 1985 will rose and came at 26 percentage in 2035. Moreover, there were similar trend watch in England and the UK which were 15 percentage in 1985 and predicted 23 percentage in 2035 respectively. However, in northern Ireland, there was only 13 percentage population were aged in year 1985, which were, lower than other given countries, which will increase and came at 23 percentage in 2035. As per the graph that, in 1985, there were 14 percentage people are about 65 in total population of Scotland and then will also predict the second highest population in year 2035 is 25 percentage as compare to other four country. All in all, it can be clear there, there will be shows the increase trend of population in the given 150 years period in given five countries.
The
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given
column graph illustrates that, the total
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
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population
in
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different
five countries in 1985 and
also
give predictions for 2035.

According to Grafton, there were the highest above 65
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population
Possible agreement error. The noun 'sown' seems to be countable, so consider using: "sows".
sown
in walls were approx 16
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percentage
in 1985 will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "rise"
rose
and came at 26
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percentage
in 2035.
Moreover
, there were similar trend
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watch
in England and the UK which were 15
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percentage
in 1985 and predicted 23
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percentage
in 2035
respectively
.
However
, in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
northern Ireland
, there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
13
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percentage
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population
were aged
in year 1985, which were, lower than other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
countries, which will increase and came at 23
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percentage
in 2035.

As per the graph that, in 1985, there were 14
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percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are about 65 in total
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population
of Scotland and then will
also
predict the second highest
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population
in year 2035 is 25
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percentage
as compare to other four country.

All in all, it can be
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clear
there, there will be
Consider using the past participle "showed", "shown"?
shows
the increase trend of
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population
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
150 years period in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
five countries.
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IELTS academic The chat below given the information about the UK countries aged population in 1985 and also predicts and four 2035

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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