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The charts below show the percentage of boys and girls aged 5-14 taking part in cultural activities and sports in Australia in 2003.

The charts below show the percentage of boys and girls aged 5-14 taking part in cultural activities and sports in Australia in 2003. LPrr
The sets of bar charts illustrate the percentage rate of boys and girls under the aged of 5-14 participated in various cultural activities as well as sports in Australia in 2003. Observing the details, less than 5% Australian boys took part in drama; while this ratio slightly higher for girls by exact 5%. Similarly, for singing activity, less than 5% boys and exact 5% girls participated. It is surprising to note that, girls were more participated in dancing than boys. 25% Australian girls were observed to take part in this activity. However, only 2% boys interested in dancing. Moreover, the activity of play musical was more popular amongst the boys by 15%; while, 10% girls did this activity. Focusing on the second chart, it can be clearly seen that, boys were more active for sports than girls. 70% boys participated in it. By contrast, only 50% girls were took part in sports. Overall, the percentage rate for cultural activities, dancing was more popular among the girls; whereas, boys were more participated in play musical. Also, sports were more popular for Australian boys as compared with girls in 2003.
The sets of bar charts illustrate the percentage rate of
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boys
and
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girls
under the aged of 5-14
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participated
in various cultural
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activities
as well
as sports in Australia in 2003.

Observing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, less than 5% Australian
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boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in drama; while this ratio
slightly
higher for
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girls
by exact 5%.
Similarly
, for singing
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activity
, less than 5%
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boys
and exact 5%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
. It is surprising to note that,
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girls
were more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in dancing than
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boys
. 25% Australian
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girls
were observed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in this
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activity
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2%
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boys
interested in dancing.
Moreover
, the
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activity
of play musical was more popular amongst the
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boys
by 15%; while, 10%
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girls
did this activity.

Focusing on the second chart, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that,
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boys
were more active for sports than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. 70%
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boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in it. By contrast,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
50%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
were
Consider using a past participle here: "taken".
took
part in sports.

Overall
, the percentage rate for cultural
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activities
, dancing was more popular
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
the
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girls
; whereas,
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boys
were more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in play musical.
Also
, sports were more popular for Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
as compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in 2003.
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IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage of boys and girls aged 5-14 taking part in cultural activities and sports in Australia in 2003.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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