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The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. DG7p
The first bar chart illustrates what motivated people from various ages to study and educate themselves. The second bar chart presents the amount of aid acquired from employers from different age groups. Overall, it can be seen from the first chart that younger students, under 26 years old, usually study to build their career whereas for older people, over 49 years old, the main reason for studying is interest. In addition, looking at the second chart, the age group of under 26 received the most support while the age group 30-39 obtained the least help. To begin with, from chart one, the proportion of people who chose career as their main reason for studying was 80% in the age group of under 26 yet this number decreased to reach merely under 20% for students over 49 years old. On the contrary, only 20% of pupils under 26 years old chose interest as their reason for education however this number climbed to attain a percentage just above 80 in the age group of students above 49. Moreover from chart 2, the amount of support received by employers under 26 years was around 63. This number deteriorated to reach a minimum of about 33 in the age group 30-39 prior to increasing to reach approximately 43 in the employers above 49 years old.
The
first
bar
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chart
illustrates what motivated
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people
from various
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ages
to study and educate themselves. The second bar
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chart
presents the amount of aid acquired from employers from
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different
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age
groups.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
first
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chart
that younger students, under 26 years
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old
,
usually
study to build their career whereas for older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, over 49 years
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old
, the main reason for studying is interest.
In addition
, looking at the second
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chart
, the
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age
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group
of under 26 received the most support while the
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age
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group
30-39 obtained the least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

To
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begin
with, from
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chart
one, the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who chose career as their main reason for studying was 80% in the
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age
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group
of under 26
yet
this number decreased to reach
merely
under 20% for students over 49 years
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old
.
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20% of pupils under 26 years
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old
chose interest as their reason for education
however
this number climbed to attain a percentage
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just
above 80 in the
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age
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group
of students above 49.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
from
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chart
2, the amount of support received by employers under 26 years was around 63. This number deteriorated to reach a minimum of about 33 in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
30-39 prior to increasing to reach approximately 43 in the employers above 49 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
.

IELTS academic The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
221 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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