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The chart shows the percentage of males and females who were overweightin Australia from 1980 and 2010

The chart shows the percentage of males and females who were overweightin Australia from 1980 and 2010 6gwG
The given bar chart provides the information about the percentage of two genders in terms of their overweightness in Australia between 1980 and 2010. Overall, the proportion of males were higher than females over the 30-year period. In addition, the men’s percentage experienced some fluctuations, while women’s statistics had an upward trend. It can be seen that the level of men who were overweight was more than women and made up 40% in 1980, whereas women’s rate is less and amounts approximately to 31%. In contrast, the rate of both genders gently increased to almost 50% in the next year. In terms of level of obese men, it was significantly rose to more than 60% while the percantage of women grew a little over the year 2000. Eventually, the proportion of men suffering from overweightness went down during the 10-year period from 2000 until 2010 and made up nearly 60%
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart provides the information about the percentage of two genders in terms of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweightness
in Australia between 1980 and 2010.

Overall
, the proportion of males were higher than females over the 30-year period.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
percentage experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
statistics had an upward trend.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who were overweight was more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and made up 40% in 1980, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
rate is less and amounts approximately to 31%.
In contrast
, the rate of both genders
gently
increased to almost 50% in the
next
year.

In terms of level of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, it was
significantly
Consider using a past participle here: "risen".
rose
to more than 60% while the
Possible spelling mistake found.
percantage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
grew a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
over the year 2000.

Eventually
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
suffering from
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweightness
went down during the 10-year period from 2000 until 2010 and made up
nearly
60%
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IELTS academic The chart shows the percentage of males and females who were overweightin Australia from 1980 and 2010

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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