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The chart shows the percentage of Audtralians who eat McDonads or KFC at least twice a year, by age.

The chart shows the percentage of Audtralians who eat McDonads or KFC at least twice a year, by age. XEeNY
The bar chart illustrates the comparison between different age groups in Australia consuming fast foods in McDonalds and KFC. Overall the chart represents the hype of fast food in younger generations in contrast with the declining popularity in elderly. Moreover, apparently the Australian people prefer eating in McDonald's more than in KFC. the diagram shows that, eating fast food is relatively popular in younger age group. Australian people below the age of 40 consume the most fast food. The numbers are gradually declining with the increasing age though, showing the 0-14 age group eating the most fast food, nearly 70% in McDonalds and 65% KFC. The numbers are quite similar in the next 2 age group, where KFC falls behind as 10% in each group. The rest two groups shows a dramatic decline, which represents less interest in eating fast food in 40 years and above. the percentage falls to 35% and 25% approximatey(in McDonalds and KFC respectively) in 40-59 years, almost half of the below 14 years' percentage. The percentage is even less in 60+ years, yet they prefer eating at McDonalds rather than KFC.
The bar chart illustrates the comparison between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
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groups
in Australia consuming
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fast
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foods
in
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
and KFC.

Overall
the chart represents the hype of
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fast
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food
in younger generations
in contrast
with the declining popularity in elderly.
Moreover
,
apparently
the Australian
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people
prefer
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eating
in McDonald's more than in KFC.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
diagram
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shows
that,
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eating
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fast
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food
is
relatively
popular in younger
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age
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group
. Australian
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people
below the
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age
of 40 consume the most
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fast
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food
. The numbers are
gradually
declining with the increasing
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age
though, showing the 0-14
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age
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group
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eating
the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
nearly
70% in
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
and 65% KFC. The numbers are quite similar in the
next
2
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, where KFC falls behind as 10% in each group.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
rest two
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groups
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shows
a dramatic decline, which represents less interest in
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eating
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in 40 years and above.
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the
percentage falls to 35% and 25%
Possible spelling mistake found.
approximatey
(in
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
and KFC
respectively
) in 40-59 years, almost half of the below 14 years' percentage. The percentage is even less in 60+ years,
yet
they prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
at
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
rather
than KFC.
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IELTS academic The chart shows the percentage of Audtralians who eat McDonads or KFC at least twice a year, by age.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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