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the chart shows the main reason for study among students

the chart shows the main reason for study among students 1nG27
The bar chart reveals the ratio of pupils who continue their education for the sake of their career and for passion based on their age groups. The line graph illustrates the proportion of support those scholars got from their bosses as a form of monetary support and time off. Units are given in percentage for both. Overall, the main focus of young students for education is their job while it is mostly passion as they grow older. A glance at the bar chart reveals that 80 % of people under 26 years old continue education for their career and merely 10% of them do it for passion. Moreover, 70 % of people who are aged at least 50 years study for interest, whereas the ratio of people studying for a career is quartered in comparison to the under 26 age group. In the age group 26-29 and 30-39 the ratio of people studying for jobs steadily decreases while the proportion of people from these age groups who study for passion rises mildly. An equal amount of people study for passion and employment in the age group 40-49. Probing further, young employees who are less than 30 years old get more assistance from their employers while the least support is expected for workers between 30 to 39 years old. However, it is noticeable that employers are more sympathetic to workers over 40 years old than they are to employees in their thirties.
The bar chart reveals the ratio of pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
continue their education for the sake of their career and for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. The line graph illustrates the proportion of support those scholars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
from their bosses as a form of monetary support and time off. Units are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in percentage for both.

Overall
, the main focus of young students for education is their job while it is
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
as they grow older.

A glance at the bar chart reveals that 80 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 26 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
continue education for their career and
merely
10% of them do it for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
.
Moreover
, 70 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are aged
at least 50 years study for interest, whereas the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
studying for a career
is quartered
in comparison
to the under 26
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
26-29 and 30-39 the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
studying for jobs
steadily
decreases while the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
study for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
rises
mildly
. An equal amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
study for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
and employment in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
40-49.

Probing
further
, young employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are less than 30 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more assistance from their employers while the least support is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
for workers
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 30 and 39".
between 30 to 39
years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
.
However
, it is noticeable that employers are more sympathetic to workers over 40 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
than they are to employees in their thirties.
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IELTS academic the chart shows the main reason for study among students

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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