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the chart shows no of uk tourists visiting 2 countries from 2010 to 2013

the chart shows no of uk tourists visiting 2 countries from 2010 to 2013 OlYEj
The bar chart presents the amount of UK travelers visiting either Thailand or Greece over a four year period. Overall, both countries saw drops and increases in tourism over time. Although Thailand saw an initial downturn, visiting travelers rose year on year thereafter. Greece saw big fluctuations in the numbers of people arriving in their country throughout the period. The total numbers of UK tourists visiting Thailand in 2010 stood at 3. 5 million, considerably higher than Greece at that time. However, in the following year, this number dropped by around 500, 000 people, which was lower than Greece’s figure that same year. From here on, the figure gradually rose by 500, 000 visits per year, resulting in a final total of 4, 000, 000 people visiting Thailand in 2013. This was also the highest amount of yearly visits in the four year span. Greece’s total number of visits made to the country fluctuated largely throughout the four years. Beginning in 2010, the total amount of visits by UK travellers stood at 2. 5 million. This rocketed to slightly under 4. 5 million in 2011. Then in the following year, this figure more than halved, to around 1. 8 million. Finally by 2013, the total amount of UK tourists visiting Greece increased to 3 million tourists, a million below the total number of visits in Thailand.
The bar chart presents the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of UK travelers visiting either Thailand or Greece over a four
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year
period.

Overall
, both countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
drops and increases in tourism over time. Although Thailand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an initial downturn, visiting travelers rose
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year
on
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year
thereafter. Greece
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fluctuations in the
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numbers
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
arriving in their country throughout the period.

The
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total
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numbers
of UK tourists visiting Thailand in 2010 stood at 3. 5
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million
,
considerably
higher than Greece at that time.
However
, in the following
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year
, this
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number
dropped by around 500, 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which was lower than Greece’s figure that same
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year
. From here on, the figure
gradually
rose by 500, 000
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visits
per
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year
, resulting in a final
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total
of 4, 000, 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visiting Thailand in 2013. This was
also
the highest
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amount
of yearly
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visits
in the four
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year
span.

Greece’s
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total
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number
of
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visits
made to the country fluctuated
largely
throughout the four years. Beginning in 2010, the
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total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
by UK
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
stood at 2. 5
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million
. This rocketed to
slightly
under 4. 5
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million
in 2011. Then in the following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, this figure more than halved, to around 1. 8
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million
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
by 2013, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of UK tourists visiting Greece increased to 3
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million
tourists, a
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million
below the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
in Thailand.
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IELTS academic the chart shows no of uk tourists visiting 2 countries from 2010 to 2013

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
226 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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