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The chart below shows what percentage of people living an Australia visited certain cultural or leisure facilities in their free time in 2010

The chart below shows what percentage of people living an Australia visited certain cultural or leisure facilities in their free time in 2010 mX5NN
The bar chart depicts information about the proportion of Australian residents who visited four different places in their leisure time in 2010. These residents are organised into three groups, i. e. born in Australia, new migrants from English-speaking and non-English speaking countries. All residents participated mostly in cinema, especially people who were born in Australia. The number of residents who joined the zoo to look the same as they hang out in library
The bar chart depicts information about the proportion of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
who visited four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places in their leisure time in 2010. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
into three groups,
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
born in Australia, new migrants from English-speaking and non-English speaking countries. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
participated
mostly
in cinema,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
were born
in Australia. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the zoo to look the same as they hang out in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
library

IELTS academic The chart below shows what percentage of people living an Australia visited certain cultural or leisure facilities in their free time in 2010

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
72 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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