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The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities

The chart indicates the result of a survey that describes one’s expenditures on coffee and tea and drinking habits in 5 different cities of Australia Overall, several cities have a higher number of people that purchased fresh made coffee meanwhile Adelaide was the only city with citizens that prefer instant coffee. Sydney placed in the top three of the cities after Melbourne and Hobart with the highest percentage of residents who went to a cafe. More of Melbourne citizens regularly went to a cafe, furthermore only approximately 40% of Melbourne people who do not. Amongst all of the cities mentioned, Brisbane holds the record for the lowest number of people that bought fresh coffee in the last 4 weeks. However, there were more than 50% of people in Brisbane that prefer instant coffee. Compared to Brisbane, Adelaide’s percentage dropped around 5% referring to the citizens that bought instant coffee in the meantime.
The chart indicates the result of a survey that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
one’s expenditures on
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coffee
and tea and drinking habits in 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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cities
of Australia

Overall
, several
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cities
have a higher number of
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people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
fresh made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
meanwhile Adelaide was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
city with citizens that prefer instant coffee.

Sydney placed in the top three of the
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cities
after Melbourne and Hobart with the highest percentage of residents who went to a
‘cafe’ is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using “café”
cafe
. More of Melbourne citizens
regularly
went to a
‘cafe’ is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using “café”
cafe
,
furthermore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
approximately 40% of Melbourne
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people
who do not. Amongst
Consider using “all the”.
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
mentioned, Brisbane holds the record for the lowest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
in the last 4 weeks.

However
, there were more than 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Brisbane that prefer instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
. Compared to Brisbane, Adelaide’s percentage dropped around 5% referring to the citizens that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
in the meantime.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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