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The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors.

The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors. OG6N
The chart represents the amount of Brighton University graduates that are decided to work at various employment sectors throughout the 12-month period in 2019. As an overall situation, third of all students work at service industries but on the other hand, sport has the lowest rate — only 0. 1% of graduates. Thus, it is quite obvious from the data represented that sport and charity sections did not receive a number of attentions from graduates — only 0. 1% and 0. 3% respectively speaking. A similar situation is true for the civil service, science and transport employment sectors — from 5. 6% to 7. 8%. The last three popular sectors is education, politics and manufacturing has more attention rather than the others — from 12. 1% to 16. 3% of graduates.
The chart represents the amount of Brighton University graduates that
are decided
to work at various employment sectors throughout the 12-month period in 2019. As an
overall
situation, third of all students work at service industries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
, sport has the lowest rate —
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
0. 1% of graduates.

Thus
, it is quite obvious from the data represented that sport and charity sections did not receive a number of attentions from graduates —
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
0. 1% and 0. 3%
respectively
speaking. A similar situation is true for the civil service, science and transport employment sectors — from 5. 6% to 7. 8%.

The last three popular sectors is education, politics and manufacturing has more attention
rather
than the others — from 12. 1% to 16. 3% of graduates.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
131 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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