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The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors.

The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors. 6xlE0
THe Pie Chart Illustrates The Percntage OF Students Graduated From Brighton University Taking Empolyment In Different Sectors in Year 2019 Overall Most Favourate Choice Among Students was Industry ANd Government Whereas Sport and Charity Was Least favour By Graduates It can Be seen that Just Under Half Students Went To Industry 33% in Service Industries 16. 3% in Manufacturing Idusty. Politics And Government Service Was Second Most Significant Choice 12% students Make Their Career. Furthemore, 14% Of Graduates make Choice For Further eucation. It CAn Be observed That Almost Same Number Of Student went to Transportation, Warehousing or Science And Technology 7. 8% and 7. 3% respectively. The LEast Popular Choice Included Work in Chritable And Sport Less %1. Finally 2. 8% choose others
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THe
Pie Chart Illustrates The
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Percntage
OF
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Students
Graduated From Brighton University Taking
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Empolyment
In
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Different
Sectors in Year 2019

Overall
Most
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Favourate
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Choice
Among
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Students
was Industry
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ANd
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Government
Whereas Sport and Charity Was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Least".
Least
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
By Graduates

It can Be
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seen
that
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Just
Under Half
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Students
Went To Industry 33% in Service Industries 16. 3% in Manufacturing
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Idusty
.

Politics And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
Service Was Second Most Significant
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Choice
12%
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Make
Their Career.
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Furthemore
, 14% Of Graduates
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make
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Choice
For
Further
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eucation
.

It
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CAn
Be observed
That Almost Same Number Of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
went to Transportation, Warehousing or Science And Technology 7. 8% and 7. 3%
respectively
.

The
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LEast
Popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Choice
Included Work in
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Chritable
And Sport Less %1.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
2. 8% choose others
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors.

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
123 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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