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The chart below shows the number of French adults whose parents spoke a French regional language to them when they were children and the number who speak a French regional language to heir own.

The chart below shows the number of French adults whose parents spoke a French regional language to them when they were children and the number who speak a French regional language to heir own. 3e3N
The bar charts compares the number of French adults whose parents spoke a regional language to them in childhood and who speak a regional language to their own children. As per the information the majority of French adults whose parents uses Occitan language both habitually and occasionally. The least Corsican language is spoken among them. If we illustrate briefly, The Alsatian and Occitan are majorly spoken habitually by the French adults whose parents spoken to them in childhood it is about 600 thousands. But only Occitan is widely used to speak occasionally it is about nearly 1million. The least spoken habitually language is Creole and Corsican less than 200 thousands whereas it slightly increases when it spoken occasionally. Meanwhile coming to the number of French who speak a regional language to their own children, The majority number of them speak Alsatian about 400 thousand people. Secondly spoken language is Occitan about 250 thousand people. Least was Corsican about 50 thousand. Overall the chart shows that the Alsatian is widely used about generations, and least was Corsican.
The bar charts
You should probably use "compare".
compares
the number of French adults whose parents spoke a regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to them in childhood and who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
a regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
children. As per the information the majority of French adults whose parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
Occitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
both
habitually
and
occasionally
. The least Corsican
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is spoken
among them. If we illustrate
briefly
, The Alsatian and Occitan are
majorly
spoken
habitually
by the French adults whose parents spoken to them in childhood it is about 600 thousands.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Occitan is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
occasionally
it is about
nearly
1million. The least spoken
habitually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is Creole and Corsican less than 200 thousands whereas it
slightly
increases when it spoken
occasionally
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
coming to the number of French who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
a regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
children, The majority number of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
Alsatian about 400 thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Secondly
spoken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is Occitan about 250 thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Least was Corsican about 50 thousand.
Overall
the chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the Alsatian is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
about generations, and least was Corsican.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the number of French adults whose parents spoke a French regional language to them when they were children and the number who speak a French regional language to heir own.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
176 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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