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The chart below show the results of a survey about what

The chart below show the results of a survey about what 2R5PA
The pie charts illustrate what factors in percentages frighten the group of people under 40 in comparison to those over 40. Overall, the majority of younger people afraid of invisible thing which is the ghost. In contrast, most older people experienced long and possibly caring their loves scare to lose each one in family. Surprisingly, the percentage of frightening of unpredictable situation are equal in both groups. Focusing more on the younger group, it is obvious that 35% of those are scared of the ghost whereas they regard the family as the least important, resulting in the smallest number of concern toward mortality of family. Additionally, The same portions of what cause individual scary are expressed in the number of accidents, debts and other factors, around one fifth. Turning to those over 40, the death of family are considered as the priority, about more than one third. Besides, the percentage of an unintentional situation are twice as much that as ghost. Similarly, it is noticeable that the number of monetary problem are almost twice as much that as other causes.
The pie charts illustrate what factors in percentages frighten the group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
under 40
in comparison
to those over 40.

Overall
, the majority of younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
afraid of invisible
The noun should be probably in the plural form: "things".
thing
which is the ghost.
In contrast
,
Use only "older" (without 'most') when you use the comparative.
most older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
experienced long and
possibly
caring their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
scare to lose each one in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Surprisingly
, the percentage of frightening of unpredictable situation are equal in both groups.

Focusing more on the younger group, it is obvious that 35% of those
are scared
of the ghost whereas they regard the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as the least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, resulting in the smallest number of concern toward mortality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Additionally
, The same portions of what cause individual scary
are expressed
in the number of accidents, debts and other factors, around one fifth.

Turning to those over 40, the death of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are considered
as the priority, about more than one third.
Besides
, the percentage of an unintentional situation are twice as much that as ghost.
Similarly
, it is noticeable that the number of monetary problem are almost twice as much that as other causes.
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IELTS academic The chart below show the results of a survey about what

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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