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The chart below show the consumption of water for different purposes in Australia and residential water use in Australia in 2004.

The chart below show the consumption of water for different purposes in Australia and residential water use in Australia in 2004. E3Npb
The given pie chart illustrates the portion of water which is used for various motives in Australia. The given bar graph represents the percentages of water utilization for five reasons in residential area of Australia during 2004. Overall, it is manifest from the graphs the government uses minimum water while in residential are water goes to highest for bathroom cleaning. Initially, it is seen from the pie-chart usage of water was maximum to the residential houses with 57%. While residential apartments used only 13% of water. In addition, business and the industry factor required same proportion of water with 10% and 11% respectively. In contrast, only 3% of water goes to other purposes. It is noticable from the column graph, highest portion of water-absorbing by bathroom cleaning with 18% and gardening with 17%. Likewise, residential water uses for washing clothes 20%, followed by toilets 13% and kitchen least with only 10%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart illustrates the portion of
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water
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for various motives in Australia. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph represents the percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
utilization for five reasons in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
area of Australia during 2004.

Overall
, it is manifest from the graphs the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
while in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
goes to highest for bathroom cleaning.

Initially
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the pie-chart usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was maximum to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
with 57%.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
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residential
apartments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
13% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
In addition
, business and the industry factor required same proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
with 10% and 11%
respectively
.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
goes to other purposes.

It is
Possible spelling mistake found.
noticable
from the column graph,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
portion of water-absorbing by bathroom cleaning with 18% and gardening with 17%.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
for washing clothes 20%, followed by toilets 13% and kitchen least with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10%.
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IELTS academic The chart below show the consumption of water for different purposes in Australia and residential water use in Australia in 2004.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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