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The chart below show how selected age group purchase kaunsa cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in the country and how the Internet was excellent

The chart below show how selected age group purchase kaunsa cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in the country and how the Internet was excellent mX1Rr
The given bar chart highlight the comparative study of the percentage of age groups purchased concert, cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in different countries and the percentage of users of the internet Overall, there are three different countries people buy theatre, cinema and concert tickets by different electronic devices. At the first glance, it can be seen from the bar chart that in Australia, where 55%of age between 25 to 45 and less than 10% of 65+ as compared to 40% in the UK and rise 1% in Malaysia of 65 + age and a similar figure in the UK while dramatically went down the amount in Malaysia of age 25-44 who likes to purchase tickets of cinema, concert and theatre. It can be seen from the chart that the majority of people buy tickets by desktop computer and less use of the mobile phone to purchase tickets. In Malaysia, 70% of users of desktop computer and drastically decrease amount About 42% and slowly went down about 30% of mobile phone. whereas, 63% of Uk and less than 3% of Australian people who use of desktop computer and the percentage was dramatically decreased for others two electronic devices about 41% in Australia and Sharply decreased amount approximately 30% of laptop device as compared to device decrease percentage of mobile phone about 20% and 22% of Uk, respectively.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart highlight the comparative study of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
concert, cinema and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
online over the
first
three months of 2006 in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of users of the internet

Overall
, there are three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, cinema and concert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
electronic devices.

At the
first
glance, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the bar chart that in Australia, where 55%of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 25 and 45".
between 25 to 45
and less than 10% of 65+ as compared to 40% in the UK and rise 1% in Malaysia of 65 +
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and a similar figure in the UK while
dramatically
went down the amount in Malaysia of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
25-44 who likes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
of cinema, concert and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart that the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
by desktop computer and less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the mobile phone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
. In Malaysia, 70% of users of desktop computer and
drastically
decrease amount About 42% and
slowly
went down about 30% of mobile phone.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
, 63% of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
and less than 3% of Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of desktop computer and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
was
dramatically
decreased for others two electronic devices about 41% in Australia and
Sharply
decreased amount approximately 30% of laptop device as compared to device decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of mobile phone about 20% and 22% of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
,
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The chart below show how selected age group purchase kaunsa cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in the country and how the Internet was excellent

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
234 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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