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The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010.

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. QLwrL
The given bar chart compares the percentages of Britons donating money to charity by age range over 20 years from 1990 to 2010. Overall, what stands out from the chart is that the percentage of middle age group in donation was by far the highest in 1990 and throughout the whole time frame while the percentages of 51-65 age group in donation was first in 2010. Furthermore, the figures of first 3 age groups had experienced downward trend. First of all, the donation percentage of 18-25 aged Britons started at approximately 17% and fell by 10% during two decades period which was the higher drop rate than others. Similarly, the figures for 26-35 and 36-50 age groups started at 31% and 42% in 1990, respectively, and both of them witnessed a a gradual decrease by 7% in 2010. Percentages of 51-65 and 65+ age groups had experienced an upward trend. In terms of 51-65 age group Britons, the percentages peaked at 39% and outnumbered other groups' donation rates in the same time frame.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart compares the
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percentages
of Britons donating money to charity by
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age
range over 20 years from 1990 to 2010.

Overall
, what stands out from the chart is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of middle
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
in
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donation
was by far the highest in 1990 and throughout the whole time frame while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of 51-65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
in
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donation
was
first
in 2010.
Furthermore
, the figures of
first
3
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
had experienced downward trend.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
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donation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of 18-25 aged Britons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at approximately 17% and fell by 10% during two decades period which was the higher drop rate than others.
Similarly
, the figures for 26-35 and 36-50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 31% and 42% in 1990,
respectively
, and both of them witnessed
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "a" is left.
a a
gradual decrease by 7% in
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2010. Percentages
of 51-65 and 65+
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age
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groups
had experienced an upward trend. In terms of 51-65
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
Britons, the
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percentages
peaked at 39% and outnumbered other groups'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donation
rates in the same time frame.
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IELTS academic The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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