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The bar shows poverty rate by sex and age. They are from the united states of 2008.

The bar shows poverty rate by sex and age. They are from the united states of 2008. GlRlj
The bar chart illustrates United States poverty rate of 2008. The rate presents by sex and age group. Overall, from the bar chart, it is evident that women are higher in the area of poverty than men. Moreover, people from under 5 age group face poverty most. To begin, age group of under 5 and 5-17 of both and women facing poverty nearly same as each other. For under 5 the rate of poorness is about 20% of both sex. Also, for 5-17 age group the rate is around 15%. A dramatic change can be seen in the 18-24 age where the rate of men poverty is 15%, nearly while women are dealing with around 20%. The same kind of difference in comparison of poverty is being found in the age group 75 up. Where the level of men is considerably lower than women. In the other six age group the difference between men and women is vivid. Women are higher in each group. Only in the group of 65-74 the rates are quite similar. Between 5%- 10% for both sex. Although the poverty rate remained declined in these five year.
The bar chart illustrates United States
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poverty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of 2008. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
presents by sex and
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age
group.

Overall
, from the bar chart, it is evident that
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women
are higher in the area of
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poverty
than
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men
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from under 5
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age
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group
face
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poverty
most.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of under 5 and 5-17 of both and
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women
facing
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poverty
nearly
same as each other. For under 5 the
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rate
of poorness is about 20% of both sex.
Also
, for 5-17
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
the
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rate
is around 15%. A dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the 18-24
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age
where the
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rate
of
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men
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poverty
is 15%,
nearly
while
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women
are dealing with around 20%. The same kind of difference
in comparison
of
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poverty
is
being found
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
75 up.
“Where” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Where
the level of
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men
is
considerably
lower than women.

In the other six
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
the difference between
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men
and
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women
is vivid.
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Women
are higher in each
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group
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in the
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group
of 65-74 the
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rates
are quite similar. Between 5%- 10% for both sex.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
the
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poverty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
remained declined in these five year.
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IELTS academic The bar shows poverty rate by sex and age. They are from the united states of 2008.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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