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the bar graph shows the proportions of five key business sectors in the economy of Brazil during a ten-year period with future projections until 2029.

the bar graph shows the proportions of five key business sectors in the economy of Brazil during a ten-year period with future projections until 2029. Beginning with the real figures, the sectors that saw growth between 2009 and 2019 are Finance, Fossil Fuels and Food Processing with rises of around 5 percent for the two former and around 10% for the latter. However, both Tourism and Manufacturing saw falls of around 5% for that period. Turning next to the projected figures for 2029, only the Finance sector is predicted to see a continued growth in 2029, again by 5%. Of the remaining sectors, tourism stays at 2019 levels with around 21% and both Food Processing and Oil, Coal and Gas return to 2009 levels (11 and 26% respectively). Meanwhile, Manufacturing sees a further drop in its share, falling by a further 10 percent to around 5 percent. Overall, for the period covered, the Finance sector stands out in terms of having the largest share of brazil’s economy and its share shows continued growth. The big loser is manufacturing, which starts as the joint smallest sector and sees both real and projected falls.
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the
bar graph
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shows
the proportions of five key business
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sectors
in the economy of Brazil during a ten-year period with future projections until 2029.

Beginning with the real figures, the
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sectors
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
growth between 2009 and 2019 are Finance, Fossil Fuels and Food Processing with rises of
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around
5 percent for the two former and
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around
10% for the latter.
However
, both Tourism and Manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
falls of
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around
5% for that period.

Turning
next
to the projected figures for 2029,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the Finance
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sector
is predicted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a continued growth in 2029, again by 5%. Of the remaining
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sectors
, tourism stays at 2019 levels with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
21% and both Food Processing and Oil, Coal and Gas return to 2009 levels (11 and 26%
respectively
). Meanwhile, Manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
a
further
drop in its share, falling by a
further
10 percent to
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around
5 percent.

Overall
, for the period covered, the Finance
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sector
stands out in terms of having the largest share of
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brazil
’s economy and its share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
continued growth. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
loser is manufacturing, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
as the joint smallest
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sector
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
both real and projected falls.

IELTS academic the bar graph shows the proportions of five key business sectors in the economy of Brazil during a ten-year period with future projections until 2029.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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