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The bar graph illustrates the percentage of Canadian boys and girls

The bar graph illustrates the percentage of Canadian boys and girls DYDop
The bar graph illustrates the percentage of Canadian boys and girls who participated in favourite leisure activities ( including sports, computer games, music and shopping ). In general, what stands out from the graph is that more boys did leisure activities than girls. Interestingly, shopping was the most favourite activity of boys, while girls prefered listening to music most. The percentage of boys who are interested in listening to music is similar to the girls which are around 18%. Besides that, a slightly difference happened in the number of boys and girls who like playing computer games with over 15 percent of boys and less than 15% of girlsOn the other hand, there is a significant difference in the proportion of the two genders in shopping. Going shopping is liked by 35% of boys in comparison to more than 5% of girls. In addition, 25% is the number of boys whose favorite leisure activity is doing sport whilst the percentage of girls who like sport is more than 10%.
The bar graph illustrates the percentage of Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
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girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participated in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
including sports, computer games, music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
.

In general
, what stands out from the graph is that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
did leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
Interestingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
was the most
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
listening to music most.

The percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are interested
in listening to music is similar to the
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girls
which are around 18%.
Besides
that, a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('difference') instead of another adjective.
slightly difference
happened in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
like playing computer games with over 15 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and less than 15% of
Possible spelling mistake found.
girlsOn
the other hand, there is a significant difference in the proportion of the two genders in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. Going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is liked
by 35% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
in comparison
to more than 5% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
In addition
, 25% is the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
whose favorite leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is doing sport whilst the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
like sport is more than 10%.
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IELTS academic The bar graph illustrates the percentage of Canadian boys and girls

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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