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The bar graph below shows the number of Olympic medals won by China, USA and Russia from 2004 to 2016.

The bar graph illustrates the number of Olympic medals won by 3 nations like China, USA and Russia between 2004 and 2016. Overall, USA has won the highest number of medals throughout the period of 12 years whereas Russia had the lowest numbers except in 2004. In 2004, China had won just over 60 medals and a sharp increase was observed in the next 4 years. Moreover, continuous reduction was observed in the number of medals from 2008 to 2016. However, US had won slightly more than 100 medals and Russia had given tough competition by obtaining about 90 medals in 2004. In the next game, US had won 10 more medals whereas reduction in the number of medal of Russia had been observed. In 2016, US had achieved the highest number of medals in the Olympic while Russia had received least medals.
The bar graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
won by 3 nations like China, USA and Russia between 2004 and 2016.
Overall
, USA has won the highest
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
throughout the period of 12 years whereas Russia had the lowest
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numbers
except in 2004. In 2004, China had won
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 60
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medals
and a sharp increase
was observed
in the
next
4 years.
Moreover
, continuous reduction
was observed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
from 2008 to 2016.
However
, US had won
slightly
more than 100
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medals
and Russia had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
tough competition by obtaining about 90
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medals
in 2004. In the
next
game, US had won 10 more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
whereas reduction in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medal
of Russia had
been observed
. In 2016, US had achieved the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
in the Olympic while Russia had received
A determiner is probably missing here: “the least”.
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
.
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IELTS academic The bar graph below shows the number of Olympic medals won by China, USA and Russia from 2004 to 2016.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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