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The bar depicts the information of both gender male and female

The bar depicts the information of both gender male and female 2xR1o
The bar depicts the information of both gender male and female. Attending numerous classes such as drama, painting, sculpture and languages. At evening in 2009. The pie graph illustrates the data of different ages of students Overall, it is immediately apparent from bar chart that females are more interested in attending all three courses except sculpture. Whereas men are more interested in painting classes instead of other classes. The Pie chart illustrates students ages wise where, the older people are more involved then young ones With regard, the females are mostly more involved in all dramas than males, the most popular classes for women is language at 40 which is twice than men’s moreover, the painting course is also popular at 30 where the males are 25 respectively. furthermore, drama again witnessed the double attendance for women over men. The only course with more men is sculpture at 10 and women’s are 5 On the other hand, according to age wise the people who are 50 or above is 42% and who are in forties is at 26% respectively. secondly, the thirty’ year-old is 16% and twenty year-old is 11%. The least number of students who are under 20 attending evening classes which is only 5%
The bar depicts the information of both gender male and female. Attending numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
such as drama, painting, sculpture and languages. At evening in 2009. The pie graph illustrates the data of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
students


Overall
, it is immediately apparent from bar chart that females are more interested in attending all three courses except sculpture.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are more interested in painting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
instead
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. The Pie chart illustrates students ages wise where, the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more involved
Did you mean "than"?
then
young
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
ones


With regard, the females are
mostly
more involved in all dramas than males, the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
for women is language at 40 which is
Use "(twice)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
twice
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
moreover
, the painting course is
also
popular at 30 where the males are 25
respectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, drama again witnessed the double attendance for women over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
course with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
is sculpture at 10 and women’s are 5

On the other hand
, according to age wise the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are 50 or above is 42% and who are in forties is at 26%
respectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, the thirty’ year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is 16% and twenty year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is 11%. The least number of students who are under 20 attending evening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%
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IELTS academic The bar depicts the information of both gender male and female

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
205 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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