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The bar charts illustrate the rate of males and females from 60 to 64 years old who were still working in four nations between 1970 and 2004.

The bar charts illustrate the rate of males and females from 60 to 64 years old who were still working in four nations between 1970 and 2004. 95xgW
Illustrated in the bar chart is the proportion of men and women aged between 60 and 64 who were employed in four countries. Overall, the employment rate for both males and females in all four listed countries saw a substantial decline after 30 years. Moreover, the proportion of employed males aged 60-64 was invariably higher than that of their counterpart in the two given years, regardless of the country. In 1970, roughly 83% of Indonesian men aged 60-64 were employed, which was second only to the USA’s 86%. Employed women of the same age bracket in Indonesia and USA represented 50% and 76% respectively. In 2000, while employment rates for males in both mentioned countries declined by roughly 10%, the percentage of employed females in Indonesia rose to surpass that of the USA (50% compared to 45%). Initially, Japan was the country where the statistical difference between employed males and females was the largest, with 75% for the former compared to 56% for the latter. However, after the next 30 years, the largest gap was to be seen in Belgium where 51% of males were employed – approximately 40% higher than the figure for their counterpart.
Illustrated in the bar chart is the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women aged between 60 and 64 who were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
in four countries.

Overall
, the employment rate for both
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males
and females in all four listed countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a substantial decline after 30 years.
Moreover
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
aged 60-64 was
invariably
higher than that of their counterpart in the two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years, regardless of the country.

In 1970, roughly 83% of Indonesian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
aged 60-64 were
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employed
, which was second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the USA’s 86%.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employed
women of the same age bracket in Indonesia and USA represented 50% and 76%
respectively
. In 2000, while employment rates for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
in both mentioned countries declined by roughly 10%, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
females in Indonesia rose to surpass that of the USA (50% compared to 45%).

Initially
, Japan was the country where the statistical difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and females was the largest, with 75% for the former compared to 56% for the latter.
However
, after the
next
30 years, the largest gap was to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Belgium where 51% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
approximately 40% higher than the figure for their counterpart.
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IELTS academic The bar charts illustrate the rate of males and females from 60 to 64 years old who were still working in four nations between 1970 and 2004.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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