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The bar chart that is presented to us, shows the expenditure of France and Uk on consumers goods in 2010.

The bar chart that is presented to us, shows the expenditure of France and Uk on consumers goods in 2010. BDjd
The bar chart that is presented to us, shows the expenditure of France and Uk on consumers goods in 2010. We will analyse five different products such as: Cars, computers, books, perfumes and cameras, and compare them, in order to understand both (French and United Kingdom citizens) habits of consuming.  In the vehicles area, as we can see, both are very intended, but people in the Uk expend more than in France, one with 455 millions and the other with 400 millions. In the computers field, in an opposite way from the cars, in France they tend to spend more money in computers then in Britain, with a small gap between these two, still, they pass them by 20 million. In books, perfumes and cameras, these are three goods that are less required by the two countries, with the Uk leading the books and cameras area and the French as they are known by leading the perfume's market. To conclude, the money spent in this 5 different items, without the exception of the cameras, it was all very similar for the other four products.
The bar chart that
is presented
to us,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the expenditure of France and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
on consumers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in 2010. We will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
products such as: Cars, computers, books, perfumes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
, and compare them, in order to understand both (French and United Kingdom citizens) habits of consuming.  In the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "vehicles'" or "vehicle's"?
vehicles
area, as we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
intended,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
expend more than in France, one with 455 millions and the other with 400 millions. In the computers field,
Consider replacing "in an opposite way" with the adverb for "opposite"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an opposite way
from the cars, in France they tend to spend more money in computers then in Britain, with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
gap between these two,
still
, they pass them by 20 million.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
books, perfumes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
, these are three
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that are less required by the two countries, with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
leading the books and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
area and the French as they
are known
by leading the perfume's market.
To conclude
, the money spent in this 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
items, without the
The usual collocation for "exception" in this context is "to" not "of". Did you mean "exception to"?
exception of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
, it was all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar for the other four products.
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IELTS academic The bar chart that is presented to us, shows the expenditure of France and Uk on consumers goods in 2010.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
184 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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