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The bar chart shows the percentage of the total world population in 4 countries in 1950 and 2002, and projections for 2050.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of the population in 4 countries which is India, China, USA and Japan during 1950 and 2003. And also projections in 2050. Overall, the population decreased from 1950 to 2050 in China, USA and Japan. Whereas, the population increased from 1950 to 2050 in India. But, the China has the highest population while Japan has the lowest. To begin with, In 1950, India has 15% population, china has 20% above, USA less than 10% and Japan has less than 5%. Next in 2003, India has more than 15% above the population, China has almost 20%, USA 5% and Japan less than 5%. Furthremore, In the projections for 2050, India will be the maximum percentage comparing to other three countries. It has around 20% population. While, the three countries decreases by time. The countries such as China, USA and Japan. It has only 15%, 5% and 1% population respectively.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of the
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population
in 4
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countries
which is India, China, USA and
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Japan
during 1950 and 2003. And
also
projections in 2050.

Overall
, the
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population
decreased from 1950 to 2050 in China, USA and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the
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population
increased from 1950 to 2050 in India.
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But
, the China has the highest
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population
while
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Japan
has the lowest.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, In 1950, India has 15%
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population
, china has 20% above, USA less than 10% and
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Japan
has less than 5%.
Next
in 2003, India has more than 15% above the
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population
, China has almost 20%, USA 5% and
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Japan
less than 5%.

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Furthremore
, In the projections for 2050, India will be the maximum percentage comparing to other three
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countries
. It has around 20%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, the three
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countries
decreases by time. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as China, USA and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15%, 5% and 1%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows the percentage of the total world population in 4 countries in 1950 and 2002, and projections for 2050.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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