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the bar chart show the number of women study at university in 5 countries

the bar chart show the number of women study at university in 5 countries 9aNqX
The given bar chart provides the data about the proportion of females entering higher education in five different countries from 1980 to 2015. Overall, it is noticeable that four countries (UK, United States, South Korea, France) witnessed an upward trend in the number of female students enrolling in university throughout 35 years, whereas there was a stability in the figure for females in Australia in the same period. As is shown from the chart, in 1980, Australia had the highest rate of women entering in higher education, which accounted for about 60%. By contrast, South Korea started at nearly 15%, which is approximately three times lower than the data of France. Moreover, the proportion of females who continued studying at university in the UK and US was very similar, which is approximately over 30%. In 2015, there was a twofold increase in the number of female students in South Korea, whereas Australia remained stable at 60%. Furthermore, the UK and US also experienced considerable increase in the figure for women, from just over 30% in 1980 to nearly 60% in 2015.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart provides the data about the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
entering higher education in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries from 1980 to 2015.

Overall
, it is noticeable that four countries (UK, United States, South Korea, France) witnessed an upward trend in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
students enrolling in university throughout 35 years, whereas there was a stability in the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in Australia in the same period.

As
is shown
from the chart, in 1980, Australia had the highest rate of women entering in higher education, which accounted for about 60%. By contrast, South Korea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at
nearly
15%, which is approximately three times lower than the data of France.
Moreover
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
who continued studying at university in the UK and US was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar, which is approximately over 30%.

In 2015, there was a twofold increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
students in South Korea, whereas Australia remained stable at 60%.
Furthermore
, the UK and US
also
experienced considerable increase in the figure for women, from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 30% in 1980 to
nearly
60% in 2015.
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IELTS academic the bar chart show the number of women study at university in 5 countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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