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The bar chart on the shares of part-time jobs

The bar chart on the shares of part-time jobs xDmrQ
The bar chart illustrates some information on the shares of part-time jobs in four countries, namely England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales between 1989 and 2010. Overall, it can be seen that England and Wales have more part-time employees than Northern Ireland and Scotland. In 1980 the short-time jobs have the largest share of just over 30% in Wales. Meanwhile, the share of Scotland is less by about a fifth and is around 10% which is the smallest for the same year. It is interesting to note, that both England and Wales saw an increase in the percentage of working people in 2010. In Wales, the share rose to over 30% and in England more than a third coming up to over 35%. In contrast, the trend for Northern Ireland varied sharply over the period. According to the graph, Northern Ireland had the average percentage of part-time workers, with just over 15% in 1980. However, this dropped almost 12% in 2010 which is a slightly decrease.
The bar chart illustrates
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some
information on the
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shares
of part-time jobs in four countries,
namely
England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales between 1989 and 2010.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that England and Wales have more part-time employees than Northern Ireland and Scotland. In 1980 the short-time jobs have the largest
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share
of
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just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
30% in Wales. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
of Scotland is less by about a fifth and is around 10% which is the smallest for the same year.

It is interesting to note, that both England and Wales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an increase in the percentage of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2010. In Wales, the
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share
rose to
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over
30% and in England more than a third coming up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
35%.

In contrast
, the trend for Northern Ireland varied
sharply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the period. According to the graph, Northern Ireland had the average percentage of part-time workers, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
15% in 1980.
However
, this dropped almost 12% in 2010 which is a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('decrease') instead of another adjective.
slightly decrease
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart on the shares of part-time jobs

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
166 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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