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The bar chart compares the percentage of visitors in five cities based on their purposes in America in 2013.

The bar chart compares the percentage of visitors in five cities based on their purposes in America in 2013. almr9
The bar chart compares the percentage of visitors in five cities based on their purposes in America in 2013. Overall, most visitors went to London, Edinburgh, and Liverpool for travel purposes, while visitors came to Manchester and Birmingham for business purposes. Edinburgh, London, and Liverpool shared noticeable similarities in their figures. In detail, the percentages of people coming to Edinburgh, London, and Liverpool for traveling were significantly higher than for other reasons, with 70, 50 and 30 percent respectively. The other common reasons why people went to these cities were visiting their friends and relatives, and doing their business. Additionally, while miscellaneous reasons took the least positions with only 8 percent in London and 2 percent in Edinburg, people fairly often went to Liverpool for miscellaneous purposes. On the other hand, the rate of holiday visitors in Manchester and Birmingham was about 20 percent and just stood the third place. Meanwhile, the most common reason why people visited these cities was business with the percentage of around 30 in Manchester and 50 in Birmingham.
The bar chart compares the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in five cities based on their purposes in America in 2013.

Overall
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
went to London, Edinburgh, and Liverpool for travel purposes, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
came to Manchester and Birmingham for business purposes.

Edinburgh, London, and Liverpool shared noticeable similarities in their figures. In detail, the percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming to Edinburgh, London, and Liverpool for traveling were
significantly
higher than for other
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reasons
, with 70, 50 and 30
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percent
respectively
. The other common
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reasons
why
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people
went to these cities were visiting their friends and relatives, and doing their business.
Additionally
, while miscellaneous
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reasons
took the least positions with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
8
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percent
in London and 2
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percent
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Edinburg
,
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people
fairly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
went to Liverpool for miscellaneous purposes.

On the other hand
, the rate of holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in Manchester and Birmingham was about 20
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percent
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stood the third place. Meanwhile, the most common
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reason
why
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people
visited these cities was business with the percentage of around 30 in Manchester and 50 in Birmingham.
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IELTS academic The bar chart compares the percentage of visitors in five cities based on their purposes in America in 2013.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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