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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010 7RBn
The given bar chart explains that the male and female from various age group who did regular physical activity in Australia in percentagewise. Overall, as it observed from tha chart that the majority of female from different age groups were engaging with regular physical activities compared to male. According to the chart, 52. 80 per cent of male who aged between 15 to 24 did physical activity regularly on the contrary this percentage decreased to 47. 70% respectively on female. 48. 90% of female from 25 to 34 years old were doing regular physical activity, while men accounted for 42. 20% respectively. In 2010, female who aged 45 to 54 years old were accounted for 53. 30% on their regular physical activities whereas male contribution on regular physical activity decreased to 43. 10%. People who crossed 65 years old accounted for approximately 47 percentage on their regular physical activity.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
that the male and
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female
from various age group
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who
did
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regular
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physical
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activity
in Australia in
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percentagewise
.

Overall
, as it observed from
Possible spelling mistake found.
tha
chart that the majority of
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female
from
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different
age groups were engaging with
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regular
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physical
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activities
compared to male.

According to the chart, 52. 80 per cent of male
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who
aged
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 15 and 24".
between 15 to 24
did
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physical
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activity
regularly
on the contrary
this percentage decreased to 47. 70%
respectively
on
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female
. 48. 90% of
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female
from 25 to 34 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
were doing
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regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
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activity
, while
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men
accounted for 42. 20%
respectively
.

In 2010,
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female
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who
aged 45 to 54 years
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old
were accounted
for 53. 30% on their
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regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
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activities
whereas male
The usual preposition for "contribution" is "to". Did you mean "contribution to"?
contribution on
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regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
decreased to 43. 10%.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
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who
crossed 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
accounted for approximately 47 percentage on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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