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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010 6JxK
The percentage of Australian men and women who regularly exercised during 2010, is shown in the bar chart. Overall, there is a higher percentage of women who perform physical activity than men, while this may differ in some age groups. As illustrated in the bar chart, female Australians practiced regular physical activity significantly more than their male counterparts from ages of 25 until 64, consistently being 6 % more active, cumulating at the age of 35-44 where they were 13 % higher. Despite this the men of Australia from the ages of 15 to 24 also showed more inclination to regular exercise than women, however the difference only being 52, 8% to 47, 7%. Until the age of 24, more than a majority of Australian men exercised regularly, this percentage then steadily decreased before reaching less than 40 % between 45 and 54 years of age, however as the age continued to grow also did the percentage, ending at 46% in the age group of 65 and over. The exercising attitude of women gradually increased, from 47, 7% at ages 25-34 to 53, 3% at the ages between 45-54 before a marked reduction over time, to reach a 47, 1 % in the ages 65 and over
The
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percentage
of Australian
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men
and
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women
who
regularly
exercised during 2010,
is shown
in the bar chart.

Overall
, there is a higher
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percentage
of
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women
who perform physical activity than
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men
, while this may differ in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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age
groups.

As illustrated in the bar chart, female Australians practiced regular physical activity
significantly
more than their male counterparts from
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ages
of 25 until 64,
consistently
being 6 % more active, cumulating at the
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age
of 35-44 where they were 13 % higher. Despite this the
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men
of Australia from the
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ages
of 15 to 24
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
more inclination to regular exercise than
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women
,
however
the difference
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
being 52, 8% to 47, 7%.

Until the
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age
of 24, more than a majority of Australian
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men
exercised
regularly
, this
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percentage
then
steadily
decreased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching less than 40 % between 45 and 54 years of
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age
,
however
as the
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age
continued to grow
also
did the
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percentage
, ending at 46% in the
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age
group of 65 and over. The exercising attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
gradually
increased, from 47, 7% at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
25-34 to 53, 3% at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
between 45-54
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a marked reduction over time, to reach a 47, 1 % in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
65 and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
over
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
206 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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