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The bar chart below shows a survey of a group of young professionals aged 20-30 years who were asked to state which factors motivated them to succeed.

The bar chart below shows a survey of a group of young professionals aged 20-30 years who were asked to state which factors motivated them to succeed. awy5d
The bar chart depicts survey of a group of young experts aged 20-30 years who were asked to state which circumstance inspired them to succeed. Overall, success for young professionals depends mainly on personal satisfaction and their ambition. As we can seen that the factores devided into three groups. These are personal feelings, positive feelings and negative feelings. In the first group, personal satisfaction and ambition re cited by highest level of succeed with 80%. For now, money and desire for material things are those of two factors around half of the percentage influence on people to success. Moreover, the positive factor, the rivalry was strink 50% of the people thought as a factor that motivating people to succeed. on the other factors, fear of failure, envy, and felling inadequate were similar on people questioned 25%, 30%, 35%. When it comes negative factor family pressure, peer pressure and pressure from society were rated 70%, 45%, 60% factor affected on motivating people to succeed.
The bar chart depicts survey of a group of young experts aged 20-30 years who were
This is a collocation error. You do not need a preposition after 'asked'. Remove it: "asked".
asked to
state which circumstance inspired them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
.
Overall
, success for young professionals depends
mainly
on personal satisfaction and their ambition.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we can
Did you mean "see" or "be seen"?
seen
that the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "factors", the plural form of the noun 'factor'?
factores
Possible spelling mistake found.
devided
into three groups. These are personal feelings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
feelings and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feelings. In the
first
group, personal satisfaction and ambition re cited by highest level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
with 80%. For
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, money and desire for material things are those of two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
around half of the percentage influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to success.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
, the rivalry was
Possible spelling mistake found.
strink
50% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
that motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
, fear of failure, envy, and felling inadequate were similar on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
questioned 25%, 30%, 35%. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
family pressure, peer pressure and pressure from society
were rated
70%, 45%, 60%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
on motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows a survey of a group of young professionals aged 20-30 years who were asked to state which factors motivated them to succeed.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
163 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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