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The amount of people who visit some touristic places in each season is indicated by a graph.

The amount of people who visit some touristic places in each season is indicated by a graph. o8qRb
The amount of people who visit some touristic places in each season is indicated by a graph. The horizontal axis shows the season while the vertical axis represents the number of visitors from Dover and Troy. Overall people or more intended to travel to these two destinations in the summer and fall. Moreover, Troy was by far the least popular destination for travellers. As it can be clearly see, the number of visitors who are willing to take a trip to Dover and Troy which are the popular visiting places in the summer and fall are more than the rest of the year. Ten thousands of people have visited Dover in the summer and it increased to 15, 000 people in the fall. Although the amount of travellers to Tover reached a peak of almost 20, 000 in these mentioned seasons. On the other hand, just under 5, 000 have chosen each city as their destination in a spring which is the lowest amount in that particular year. However 5000 of people visiting Troy in the winter, the highest number of them have visited Dover by approximately 25, 000. To summarize, the summer and the fall were the high season for visitors and travelling in the spring was less demanded for them.
The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
touristic places in each season
is indicated
by a graph. The horizontal axis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the season while the vertical axis represents the number of visitors from Dover and Troy.

Overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or more intended to travel to these two destinations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
and
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fall
.
Moreover
, Troy was by far the least popular destination for
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
.

As it can be
clearly
Consider using a past participle here: "seen".
see
, the number of visitors who are willing to take a trip to Dover and Troy which are the popular visiting places in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fall
are more than the rest of the year.
Use a singular form of the numeral here: "Ten thousand".
Ten thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have visited Dover in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
and it increased to 15, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fall
. Although the amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tover
reached a peak of almost 20, 000 in these mentioned seasons.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 5, 000 have chosen each city as their destination in a spring which is the lowest amount in that particular year.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
5000 of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting Troy in the winter, the highest number of them have visited Dover by approximately 25, 000.

To summarize
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fall
were the high season for visitors and travelling in the spring was less demanded for them.
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IELTS academic The amount of people who visit some touristic places in each season is indicated by a graph.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
212 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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