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Th is a boy or a girl in the world should pay tax for the their government which they do not have any job to work on the other hand and they are utilized in

Th is a boy or a girl in the world should pay tax for the their government which they do not have any job to work on the other hand and they are utilized in 73By2
The first line graph shows data about the amount of money which was spent by British for their children Sports. The next one it was straight has the percentage of children who took part in three various Sports in the Britain from 2008 to 2014 for both graphs. Overall, it can be seen that parents in Britain spending the amount of money for children's Sports increased considerably over the period. On the other hand, the proportion of children attended football courses is the most attractive one among the others. It is clear that 20 million money was spent as average monthly pounds for children by their parents in 2008. While this figure than grows significantly by 15, reaching approximately (35 m p) monthly in 2014. By contrast, participating children in football lesson started almost (7. 5 m p) in the beginning year. There was then a gradual growth in terms of children who participated that course, showed about 9 million pounds in 2014. If we look at others, the number of children who went to swimming class grew up moderately from 2008 to 2014 2. 5 and 3. 5 million pounds respectively. Having remained stably around (0. 5 m p) in 2008, the percentage of children who attended athletics class increased dramatically (5 m p) in 2012. Then it witnessed a slight decrease in the last two years.
The
first
line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
data about the amount of money which
was spent
by British for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Sports. The
next
one it was straight has the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in three various Sports in the Britain from 2008 to 2014 for both graphs.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that parents in Britain spending the amount of money for children's Sports increased
considerably
over the period.
On the other hand
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attended football courses is the most attractive one among the others.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that 20 million money
was spent
as average monthly pounds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by their parents in 2008. While this figure than grows
significantly
by 15, reaching approximately (35 m p) monthly in 2014.

By contrast, participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in football lesson
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
almost (7. 5 m p) in the beginning year. There was then a gradual growth in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participated that course,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
about 9 million pounds in 2014.

If we look at others, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
went to swimming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
grew up
moderately
from 2008 to 2014 2. 5 and 3. 5 million pounds
respectively
. Having remained
stably
around (0. 5 m p) in 2008, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
attended athletics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
increased
dramatically
(5 m p) in 2012. Then it witnessed a slight decrease in the last two years.
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IELTS academic Th is a boy or a girl in the world should pay tax for the their government which they do not have any job to work on the other hand and they are utilized in

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
228 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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