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Teenagers time on activities

Teenagers time on activities 669lK
They bar chart illustrates weekly hours which has been spend by teenagers by doing specific activities in chester from the period between 2002 to 2007 Overall, that is noticeable the spending time on watching television is steadily increasing throughout the timeline whereas the interest on bowling is diminishing. On 2007 entertainment has been rocketed amongst teenagers, some like visiting pubs trend was increased almost twofold comparing from 2004 to 2006. In addition, people passing time in purchasing is steadily increased. However, peoples showed tremendous interest in watching television comparing to any other activities, which started with 25 hours at 2002 and increased by almost 15 hours in 2007. Clara: Nevertheless, physical and essential activities such as sports and homework has dropped towards the period. However people in chester don't prefer to bowling which has the least hours than other stuffs also shows some fluctuation respectively. Eventhough watching dvd is peaked up on 2004 with more than 15 hours, peoples declined it by spending around 10 hours.
They bar chart illustrates weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
which has been
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
by doing specific activities in
Possible spelling mistake found.
chester
from the period
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2002 and 2007".
between 2002 to 2007


Overall
,
that is
noticeable the spending time on watching television is
steadily
increasing throughout the timeline whereas the interest on bowling is diminishing.

On 2007 entertainment has
been rocketed
amongst
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
like visiting pubs trend
was increased
almost twofold comparing from 2004 to 2006.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
passing time in purchasing is
steadily
increased.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
tremendous interest in watching television comparing to any other activities, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
at 2002 and increased by almost 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in 2007.

Clara:

Nevertheless
, physical and essential activities such as sports and homework has dropped towards the period.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
chester
don't prefer to
Did you mean "bowl"?
bowling
which has the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
than other stuffs
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuation
respectively
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eventhough
watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
dvd
is peaked
up on 2004 with more than 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
declined it by spending around 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
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IELTS academic Teenagers time on activities

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
166 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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