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Sport played in newzland

Sport played in newzland 8gnjm
A glance at the graph provides information about common sports which was played by Newzland citizens in 2002. Looking from all prospective readily apparent that the participation of sport for both boys and girls is fairly equal. However their sporting preference tend to be different. Breaking that down further, netball is considered as the most popular sport among woman, which constituted of 25% of participants rate compared to merely 2 percent of boys netball players. However, it can be seen that the number of football players has significant difference in both gender were the quarter of boys tend to play soccer, in contrast to girls which is represent merely 5%. Although swimming sport received significant interest to girls and boys, conversely the proportion of other sports such as, Tennis, Basketball and cricket have comparatively lower level of popularity. Moreover, a significant percentage of the tow gender prefer other sports which was not reported in the chart.
A glance at the graph provides information about common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which
was played
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newzland
citizens in 2002.

Looking from all prospective
readily
apparent that the participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls is
fairly
equal.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
their sporting preference tend to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.

Breaking that down
further
, netball
is considered
as the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
among woman, which constituted of 25% of participants rate compared to
merely
2 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
netball players.

However
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the number of football players has significant difference in both gender were the quarter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
tend to play soccer,
in contrast
to girls which is
Consider using a past participle here: "represented".
represent
merely
5%.

Although swimming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
received significant interest to girls and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
,
conversely
the proportion of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as, Tennis, Basketball and cricket have
comparatively
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "lowed", "lowered".
lower
level of popularity.
Moreover
, a significant percentage of the tow gender prefer other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which was not reported in the chart.
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IELTS academic Sport played in newzland

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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