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Some people believe that it is better for students to study many subjects compared to certain ones. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is better for students to study many subjects compared to certain ones. PR1oK
Many students are made to concentrate on particular subjects at the age of 15. While some other education systems argue that it would be better to study various subjects as it may afford students to enlarge their knowledge, i still believe that focusing on certain subjects is better because they can have more time to do other activities. On the one hand, the requirements of some education systems to learn certain subjects can bring some benefits. Attending many courses with various fields can be of great help for students to cultivate their knowledge which may help them in their later life. For example, some universities in Vietnam require pupils to learn English or Computer Science apart from their major. However, learning un-major subjects can offer them a competitive edge as well as enhance their career prospects owing to the demands of the companies especially in this knowledge-based society, compared to those who have never acess to foreign languages and computers. On the other hand, instead of studying a wide range of fields, students who only learn a few subjects could have more time for other purposes. Extra time allows students to do outdoor activities such as playing football or hanging out with friends which may release the stress after studying hours and improve their mental and physical health, as a result, students can work and study in an effective way. Futhermore, studying favourite subjects may help students to easily acquire the lessons. By having more time to learn their major, they can put more efforts and enthusiasms to achieve the best results without wasting their time to study many subjects. In conclusion, although providing a huge range of subjects is a competitive edge for pupils, i hold the view that studying certain subjects is a better way to enhance the academic performance and study efficiency in the long run.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are made
to concentrate on particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at the age of 15. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
education systems argue that it would be better to study various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as it may afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to enlarge their knowledge,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
still
believe that focusing on certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities. On the one hand, the requirements of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
education systems to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits. Attending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
courses with various fields can be of great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to cultivate their knowledge which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their later life.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
universities in Vietnam require pupils to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
English or Computer Science apart from their major.
However
, learning
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can offer them a competitive edge
as well
as enhance their career prospects owing to the demands of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
especially
in this knowledge-based society, compared to those who have never
Possible spelling mistake found.
acess
to foreign languages and computers. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
a wide range of fields,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
could have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
purposes. Extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to do outdoor activities such as playing football or hanging out with friends which may release the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
hours and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental and physical health,
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can work and study
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
easily
acquire the lessons. By

having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
their major, they can put more efforts and enthusiasms to achieve the best results without wasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subjects.

In conclusion
, although providing a huge range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is a competitive edge for pupils,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is a better way to enhance the academic performance and study

efficiency in the long run.

IELTS academic Some people believe that it is better for students to study many subjects compared to certain ones.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
309 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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