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Illustrate the west park and secondary school since it's 1950

Illustrate the west park and secondary school since it's 1950 3bVXw
The diagram illustrate the changes that have taken place at West Park secondary school since its construction in 1950. In picture, 1950 the schools was built near Main Road and on the left of school There was some houses. The large area behind the school is playground while the area behind the house is farmland. Moving on further to picture 1980, the area which was occupied by houses in diagram 1950 is now converted equally into science block and car park. Moreover, farmland demolished into sports field in 1980. In 2010 the school building remain unchanged but the car park has extended its area and cover entire sports field. In addition to this play ground area in 1918 now divided into two parts so that it provide some area for playground and some area for sport field. During this period School at first increase its area but in 2010 it reduced its size as most of part of school is now being occupied by car park.
The diagram
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "illustrates".
illustrate
the
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changes
that have taken place at West
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Park
secondary
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school
since its construction in 1950.

In picture, 1950 the
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schools
was built
near Main Road and on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
of
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school
There was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. The large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is playground while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
behind the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is farmland.

Moving on
further
to picture 1980, the
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area
which
was occupied
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in diagram 1950 is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
converted
equally
into science block and car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
.
Moreover
, farmland demolished into sports field in 1980.

In 2010 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
building remain unchanged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
has extended its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and cover entire sports field.
In addition
to this play ground
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area
in 1918
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
divided into two parts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
for playground and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
for sport field.

During this period
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School
at
first
increase its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2010 it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
its size as
Consider using "most part" or "most of the part".
most of part
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
being occupied
by car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
.
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IELTS academic Illustrate the west park and secondary school since it's 1950

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
166 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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