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Sodium, Added sugar and saturated fat intake

Sodium, Added sugar and saturated fat intake pw5y
The given pie charts illustrate the breakage of the amount of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar consumed everyday in the meals and snacks taken by an average person in USA. Overall, it is evident that a large amount of sodium and saturated fats intake is during the dinner and minimal during the breakfast. Added sugar plays a major role in the snacks while it is minimal during the breakfast. Firstly, Sodium intake is enormously high during the dinner covering 43 percent of the entire day's meals, while the breakfast and snacks has a minimum sodium intake of each 14 percent. The intake of sodium is not very high during the lunch which shares about 29 percent. Secondly, when it comes to the saturated fat, it is highly consumed during the dinner about 37 percent. Although, there is not much of a difference when its consumption varies at about 16 percent during the breakfast, 21 percent in the snacks they eat and 26 percent in the lunch. Another measure is the consumption of Added sugar which is at its peak in the snacks at about 42 percent, but minimal in the breakfast. The added sugar consumption is very less in the breakfast and lunch as is it just 16 percent and 19 percent respectively.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrate the breakage of the amount of sodium, saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
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added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumed
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
in the meals and
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snacks
taken by an average person
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
.
Overall
, it is evident that a large amount of sodium and saturated
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "fats'" or "fat's"?
fats
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intake
is during the dinner and minimal during the
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breakfast
.
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Added
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sugar
plays a major role in the
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snacks
while it is minimal during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breakfast
.
Firstly
, Sodium
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intake
is
enormously
high during the dinner covering 43
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percent
of the entire day's meals, while the
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breakfast
and
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snacks
has a minimum sodium
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intake
of each 14
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percent
. The
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intake
of sodium is not
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very
high during the lunch which shares about 29
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percent
.
Secondly
, when it
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comes
to the saturated
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fat
, it is
highly
consumed during the dinner about 37
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percent
. Although, there is not much of a difference when its consumption varies at about 16
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percent
during the
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breakfast
, 21
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percent
in the
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snacks
they eat and 26
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percent
in the lunch. Another measure is the consumption of
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Added
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sugar
which is at its peak in the
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snacks
at about 42
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percent
,
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but
minimal in the
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breakfast
. The
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added
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sugar
consumption is
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very
less in the
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breakfast
and lunch as is it
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just
16
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percent
and 19
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Sodium, Added sugar and saturated fat intake

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
214 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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