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Selling of different kind of jam

Selling of different kind of jam WmE35
The line graph illustrated here, gives the information about the variation in sales of different types of jam from 2009 to 2014. The jams which are included in the char are strawberry, raspberry, grape, cherry and plum. According to data provided, strawberry jam had the highest selling throughout this time period except in one year. In 2012, the sale of raspberry jam was marginally higher than the strawberry jam. On the other hand, there had been a steady increase in the sale of grape jam from 2005 to 2014. On the contrary, sale of plum jam had fallen down gradually over the same period of time. Cherry jam had experienced the highest fluctuation when it came to sale during the period. However, the selling of cherry jam declined continuously after the year 2012 Overall, strawberry jam remained at the top of the selling list. Similarly, raspberry and bread jam had experienced a growth in sales. However, selling of plum jam had slowly declined to zero by the year 2014.
The line graph illustrated here, gives the information about the variation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of jam from 2009 to 2014. The jams which
are included
in the char are strawberry, raspberry, grape, cherry and plum.

According to data provided, strawberry jam had the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
throughout this time period except in one year. In 2012, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of raspberry jam was
marginally
higher than the strawberry jam.

On the other hand
, there had been a steady increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of grape jam from 2005 to 2014.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of plum jam had fallen down
gradually
over the same period of time. Cherry jam had experienced the highest fluctuation when it came to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
during the period.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
of cherry jam declined
continuously
after the year 2012

Overall
, strawberry jam remained at the top of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
list.
Similarly
, raspberry and bread jam had experienced a growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
of plum jam had
slowly
declined to zero by the year 2014.
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IELTS academic Selling of different kind of jam

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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